Out of Sight, Out of Mind
by unostalgic
Summary: A month after her defeat at the hands of her brother, people still think she's the psychotic wreck of a once terrifying fire-bending prodigy. She's got to prove them wrong, but her road to 'redemption' will be just as twisted as the journey that got her there.
1. First, In Control

**Out of Sight, Out of Mind  
**

**First, In Control **

_Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender. _

* * *

On a deserted island in the Fire Nation, a girl sits on the floor of her asylum cell. There's a bed in the corner of course, but sitting on it would be too close to comfort. It's more familiar for her to sit on the floor with her knees up against her chest and her arms clasped around them. That way it doesn't make her feel like people are trying to take care of her, telling her this is her new home and she'll get better by being here, because she's a Princess and this isn't who she is. She'd much rather they just treat her as who they think she is – just the psychotic wreck of a once terrifying fire-bending prodigy.

It's hard to explain her roller coaster of emotions. On some days the anger twisted up inside her is so hard to contain that she'll scrape the walls with her nails until they bleed just so she can _feel _something again_._ On others, all she wants to do is crawl up in a corner and cry. Being held a prisoner by people who used to fear her makes the girl feel helpless and weak. Sometimes she'll remember that she's Fire Nation royalty, and she's above all those arrogant guards who march up and down the hallways. But then she'll see them giving her pitiful smiles, their eyes saying 'you're pathetic', and it destroys her. Even now, feeling weak has been the one thing she's always feared. The best she can do to hide her angst is to act as if she's made of stone, as if nothing will make her feel anything. Her heart, mind, soul, all bottomless black holes.

Of course she cooperates with all the counseling. The doctors aren't too forceful with their questions and they're always, _always_ smiling, but she knows that it's pointless to lock her in a room with a man who forces her to talk about _feelings _and _emotions._ Every day is the same; nothing ever changes. She'll sit on the floor of her cold, dark room for hours, and then they'll let her out for meals and a bit of sunshine, right before a long talk with her therapist, Doctor Pei. He's a gentle man – all the workers at the asylum are - but just that feeling of anyone pretending they actually want to help her sickens the girl to her stomach; they just pretend to care when all they really want to do is laugh in pity. The Fire Nation's princess, formerly the Fire Lord's pride, reduced to a sad pathetic little girl who spends day in, day out watching the sunlight fade from the walls of her stupid cell.

That's why she needs to get out of here.

She needs to go back to that facsimile of a home and rediscover who she used to be, because this, now, isn't who she is. She _is _the Fire Nation Princess. She _is _power. She _is _control. She _is meant to be_ Fire Lord. Fire Lord Azula.

The sudden creaking of her cell's door alerts the girl from her reverie. She lifts her head slowly to see a couple of guards filling the door frame.

"Hey. Time to see the shrink."

Wordlessly, she gets up and follows the two guards down the hallway. Dr Pei's room has a big window with a clear view of the sea; it was supposed to evoke positive feelings from the patients or some shit like that. The only feeling it evokes from her is thoughts of jumping into it and sinking to the bottom. If only it were possible to drag…damn. She was so miserable didn't even think she was compelled to think about drowning the Avatar or Mai and Ty Lee in that sea. They were probably a lot happier without her. They probably thought she belonged in the nuthouse…

_Stop. _

She takes a few deep breaths. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, and breathe out. She finds herself saying this to herself a lot nowadays, when she thinks she's about to pop but she can't in front of other people. Only in the solitude of her confinement cell does she feel like she can let down her walls. So she puts them up again just as the guards open the door to Dr. Pei's office.

"Have fun." they say, and leave.

Dr Pei's sitting at the white desk, on a white chair, with white walls and the same big stupid window. The sea's looking rough today; perfect to swallow up and wash away a body. Azula walks in silently, but he's still just scribbling down some notes on his clipboard.

Azula clears her throat. Subtly, of course.

He flinches when he looks up.

"Azula. Hello."

She sits down on the other side of his immaculate white table.

"Hello."

Pei's breathing is low and audible. He's been looking a little worse for wear the last few visits; deep bags have developed under his brown eyes, and his cheeks are more considerably sunken in. He runs a hand through his greying black hair.

"So. I'd like to talk to you about something."

"Okay."

"It's about your medication," he pauses to search her face before going on, "the doctors said you didn't want to take it…why?"

"I don't need medication."

"It'll help you control your emotions."

"I'm in control of them, thank you."

"No, you're not; you're going to have to come to terms with your situation, sometime soon. You can't keep pushing this away."

"Pushing what away? The fact that my own brother put me in a mental asylum?"

"That, and the fact that you need this medication because you are _ill, _Azula."

"I don't need it." the doctor lets out a frustrated sigh.

"How many times do I have to go over this with you, dear? This is for your own good." he says as if she doesn't understand what he's saying. Azula's fists clench in her lap.

"That's not what you thought last week."

"I admit that, but circumstances have changed. The doctors are getting suspicious as to why you've made so much progress in little time." He lowers his voice, "I can't keep doing this for you. I can't write fake reports, I could lose my job if they found out. Regardless of whether or not you want me to, I can't."

He sighs and sits back in his chair, closing his eyes and massaging his temples.

"You really are an idiot, Pei."

Azula says it slow and clear, making him look up.

"Excuse me?"

She gets up quickly and places both her hands on the desk, palms down and towering over the doctor. He flinches again; he's obviously trying not to be intimidated by her, but there are not many who aren't.

"Listen. You are _going_ to keep writing those reports. Just the way you used to. Just the way I'm telling you to."

"I refuse to –"

She slams her palms down, hard. He's startled, so she takes advantage of this and leans down and positions her face right in front of his, making sure their gazes are locked.

"Have you forgotten about our first encounter already? The bruises are going to be easy to recreate, you know, especially if you don't do what I say."

He doesn't say anything, but she can see in his eyes that he doesn't have difficulty remembering.

"Yes. That's what I thought. Now, you will continue writing my progress reports. I'm getting better, slowly, but surely – "

"Slowly getting better does not happen in four weeks time-"

She snarls.

"- Let. Me. Finish."

He shuts up.

"Your reports will tell the doctors that I'm getting better, and medication will not be prescribed to me. I've been seeing you three times a week. My visits have displayed that my mentality is stabilising, and I will be released in two weeks."

The doctor shakes his head, muttering to himself. Azula places a finger under his chin and tilts his head up to look at her directly.

"Am I understood?"

He avoids her eyes and Azula notices sweat pooling at his hairline; the corner of her mouth twitches into what is almost a smile. She's got him.

"Yes."

* * *

_Dr Pei is seated at his desk and beams a little too brightly when she enters. If he was how happy he was going to be for their first therapy meeting, she absolutely wasn't looking forward to the rest of them. _

"_Azula. Please have a seat." _

_She does. _

"_How are you feeling today?" _

_A moment of silence before answering. _

"_Fine." _

_Dr Pei forces a reassuring smile. He folds his hands on top of his clipboard and laces his fingers together. _

"_Come now, dear. I want you to tell me about what you did today." _

Is he serious_, she thinks to herself. Apparently yes, he is, because he gives her a nod to go on. _

"_I sat in my cell for hours. The guards let me out to eat at midday." _

"_What did you eat?" _

"_Bread." _

"_Well, what did you do after lunch?" _

"_I went back to my cell." _

_Hopefully if she keeps her answers short and abrupt he'll get the message that the questioning is useless and they're not going to go deep and meaningful, so he can just hurry up and let her go back to rot in her cell. Or jump off the top of the building into the sea. Or pretty much anything else. _

"_What did you do in your cell, Azula?" _

_Another moment of silence. _

"_Oh come now, dear. You must have been thinking of something, or someone. Tell me." _

_Still no response. So he reaches over the table and gently places his hand over hers. It's warm and an unfamiliar feeling – she's usually freezing in her insulated cell. Dr Pei gives her a tender smile, but Azula's mouth remains a straight hard line. When he sees her unchanged expression, he exhales softly and licks his lips. _

"_I'm here to help you, Azula." _

_Lie. _

"_You can tell me anything." _

_**Lie. **_

"_You can trust me." _

_**Fuck. **_

_She flips the table over with strength that she'd forgotten she had. It hits Dr Pei quickly and hard and he's knocked to the floor, his papers and clipboard flying everywhere. When he emerges from behind the table, blood has blossomed from his nose and it runs down the front of his crisp white shirt. _

"_Azula –" _

_She wasn't even able to form proper words. She just goes all out – with her hands around Pei's neck and she throws him back from the table with strength she'd thought she'd lost in the asylum's four walls. She hears a satisfying crack as his body makes contact with the wall. Yes, that's right, she thinks, whatever you're feeling right now, that's not even a fragment of how much pain I felt, how much pain I feel right now – you can't tell me I can trust you because I can't trust anybody. The only person I can trust is myself. _

_She stands over his crumpled form, eyes alive with fire for the first time in a long time. She feels a rush of sudden pleasure when she takes the chair from behind the desk and slams it as hard as she can on his body. The doctor doesn't even have the chance to move when she does it again, and again, and again. Every time that chair comes down it comes back up bloodier and at this point the doctor is just whimpering in terror. _

_When he finally looks up, he sees the maniacal glint has returned to the princess' eyes. He knows that look. It was the look she used to wear when she was on top of the world; fire nation princess, Daddy's golden child, a fire-bending wonder and a figure everybody feared. That look is the one that shows no mercy, and he begs, he __**begs**__ that she will. But of course she doesn't. _

_All the rage and torment that had been bottled up inside of her just exploded, as if they had been contained for hundreds of years. She just had fucking enough. There was only so much a teenage girl could take before she exploded, especially if she had been holding it in for so fucking long. Nobody got it. Nobody. Trying to be perfect was on one level, but being perfect, being kicked to the dirt by the people closest to you then being told complete strangers that they understood you and your situation, they cared about you, they knew what they could do to help you – it just made her want to kill somebody. Just to grab that stupid doctor around the neck and squeeze until his lungs gave way. Just to leave his corpse to rot like Ty Lee and Mai left her. _

_How could it be so easy for them to leave her? _

_Sure, she was cynical and sadistic and kind of a bitch but they had been friends for years; the ups, downs, they had been through it all together and that had to, it __**had to **__count for something. At least it had for her. _

_That's the thing she's figured out about herself. That perfectionist shell that she keeps so polished? It's all smoke and mirrors. All the stupid things she does to pretend that she has it all together, keeping a straight face at all times, show no emotion, make lives hell without lifting an eyebrow – it's just a ruse to hide the fact that she's so fucking broken that it's beyond repair. She's tired and she's tired of fighting and she's tired of being flawless. She realises that now after losing everything. Of course she didn't realise that before it all went to hell. _

_Standing there, over her therapist's broken body, gives her a wash of sick adrenaline. It was, for some reason unknown, a liberating feeling. It was beautiful and sickening at the same time seeing the blood leak out onto the floor, finally, a stain in the big white room. For the first time in a long time, she laughs out loud - probably the last time for a long time. But she savours the feeling, right up until she hears commotion from outside coming into the room, feels the syringe in her neck and sees the world go dark._

* * *

**A/N:** Thanks for reading! I'm new to this so bear with me here . . . reviews are always appreciated?


	2. 3:15AM

**Out of Sight, Out of Mind **

**3:15AM**

_Disclaimer: I do not own ATLA._

* * *

"Zuko."

Mumble.

"Zuko."

He feels two hands gently rubbing his back. He looks up and turns his head slowly to see Mai wearing a soft smile, her hands making circular motions on his shoulders.

"You're still here?" he murmurs sleepily.

Mai chuckles. She may as well live at the palace, because it's like she spends more time at his house than at her own. She'll spend all day there and at around midnight, she'll ask Zuko to summon the palanquin to carry her to her house across from the palace. But sometimes, she just invites herself to spend the night. So she'll get warm in his bed for a few minutes, and he'll go and join her after finishing his work. They'll spend the whole night spooning, then in the early morning, he'll bring her breakfast in bed and smuggle her out of the palace so her parents don't get any ideas. She doesn't stay the night too often, but it's nice to wake up to her adorable sleepy moans.

"I think you're overworking."

He looks up at the clock, and its way past midnight. Being Fire Lord is tiring, and _hard_. Solving everyone's problems? Forget it. He could barely solve his own; he learned that no so long ago.

"Yeah, I'm just reading through all…this," he says, gesturing to the mountain of documents flooding his desk. Mai grins and picks up the file that he's reading, which Zuko has been scrawling on for the past few hours. She immediately puts it down.

"Wow. Too many complicated words."

She picks up another file, this one is unmarked. She takes out all the papers inside and Zuko's heart jumps. It's Azula's doctor's reports, that he never wanted Mai to see. He knew exactly how she felt about her former friend now, and he really didn't need her on his back for it. Mai turns to Zuko, her eyes still reading through the document.

"This is Azula's report? From the asylum?"

Zuko nods slowly.

Her face says it all. It just says –

"Why?"

The young Fire Lord sighs and reaches for the file, but Mai snatches it back.

"I thought you said you'd let the doctors take care of her. Why are you paying for all of her medication and stuff?"

"She's family, Mai. I can't just –"

"-just what? You want to tell me that you still care about what happens to her, even after she tried to _kill you _during Sozin's Comet?"

"Well, she didn't kill me, did she?"

"What's the difference? She's a monster, and you should leave her with people who actually know what they're doing!"

Mai throws her hands up and lets out a frustrated groan.

"Don't tell me you did this voluntarily, Zuko."

No answer.

"Please tell me the doctors ran out of money and forced you to use yours to pay for her meds."

He really can't say anything; he can't lie to her. So he just doesn't say anything.

"What else are you going to do, Zuko? Are you going to take her on vacations? Bring her to Ember Island to clean her slate? Are you going to smuggle her into the palace, too?"

"I have to visit her."

Mai's face at that point is completely unreadable. Then she just tosses the file into the bin.

"What are you doing!" Zuko quickly darts around her and grabs the file back. Mai looks like she's about to set him on fire. If looks could kill, he'd be on his way to the morgue.

"What you should have done from the first moment she set foot in that nuthouse! **Leave!** Shut her out! Lock her up, like she locked Ty Lee and me up!" she yells, "At least do that much for me!"

Mai takes a few deep breaths and faces him, waiting for him to say something.

"It's what's right. If I just locked her away and forgot about her, it would make me as bad as her." he says finally.

Apparently, he got his point across. Mai's chewing on her bottom lip and her eyes are still dark but she doesn't look like she has anything more to say.

"Forget it. You…_we_ should just call it a night, and talk about it in the morning instead." she mutters.

Zuko nods. He gently tries to push her hair out of her face but she turns away.

"I'm sorry, Mai."

She's still looking away.

"I won't visit her, okay? If it makes you happy."

She begins to turn her head.

"You really mean that?" she asks tentatively.

He nods and puts his arms around her waist. Mai looks like she's mulling this over and she finally inclines her head slightly. He presses a kiss to her forehead and they go up to his room, sliding under the covers together. Then at 3:15am, Zuko can hear his girlfriend snoring softly – he knows that she'll be asleep until at least 7.

So, oh-so-slowly, he peels himself off of her, puts on his cloak and slips into his boots underneath the bed. Trying not to make a sound, he makes his way out of the palace.

_I'm sorry, Mai._

* * *

Kaze leads a pretty pathetic life. He's thirty-five, with no girlfriend, no family, and no proper home. Standing front of a closed room is what he calls his job, and thirty silver pieces a week doesn't pay his rent on time.

But interestingly, he doesn't mind being a guard at the asylum.

It's because his prisoner is interesting. The Fire Nation Princess, Azula. He finds her complex and difficult to figure out, but something tells Kaze that there's more to her than meets the eye. Sure, any guard that passes him looks into her cell, gives him a knowing look and shakes their head or rolls their eyes. But he feels like he wants to know who she really is.

The rumours surrounding her are atrocious. Apparently she was defeated by her brother, Fire Lord Zuko, in an Agni Kai, and he subsequently locked her away. From that point of view, it was the Fire Lord who was at fault, not his sister. No brother he knew would lock away their sister; then again, no sister he knew was a tyrannical, power hungry demon. At least that was what Kaze had heard she was like. Even so, looking at her now it was difficult to believe they were the same person at all.

One night, he's almost about to fall asleep standing up. Nothing has happened all day and he's ready to clock out. So, he just peeks into the cell that he's guarding to see the Princess with her head in her arms. He's about to leave when a couple of guards approach his cell with a guest.

The Fire Lord himself.

Kaze immediately drops to his knees.

"Good evening, sir."

Zuko gestures for him to get up and he does.

"Is my sister's cell the only one you guard?"

"Yes, sir."

"Ever since she was admitted here?"

"Yes, sir."

The Fire Lord peers into the cell, and then turns back to Kaze.

"I read all her reports. Apparently she's making a lot of progress."

"That's correct, sir."

"How?"

Kaze is stumped. Honestly, he's not sure. She does the same thing every day – sits in her cell, goes to eat, goes to Pei, comes back to sit in her cell. This routine is performed daily. Unless Pei is a miracle worker, she hasn't been doing anything unusual.

"I'm not too sure, sir. She's been seeing her therapist every two days, but that's all I know."

"Is it normal for patients to be discharged only a month after admittance?"

"Well, treatment can take around about that time, so, I suppose, yes, it is."

The Fire Lord nods slowly, but he looks like he doesn't quite believe him.

"It doesn't add up."

"Excuse me, sir?"

The Fire Lord's eyes are squinted and his stare is steely. He's thinking hard about it.

"Azula was losing her mind for a long time; the doctor's early reports told me so. Dr. Pei said that she had been 'harbouring mental instabilities' long before our Agni Kai. He never mentioned the cause directly in the reports, but he estimated that she would have to be here long-term. Maybe a year. 6 months if she was lucky.""

Kaze tries to make sense of this.

"Yes, I suppose, but I don't understand what you're trying to say, sir."

"Mental turmoil as terrible as Azula's takes a long time to heal, and being discharged would be a danger to the public and to her. It just doesn't make sense how she'll be released so early into her treatment."

"That's a reasonable judgement, sir. But if I may say something?" he asks.

Zuko nods.

"I've never directly interacted with your sister, but from what I've heard from her, she's very clever. I suppose it might be possible for her to heal much more quickly than a regular patient, especially since she was seeing the Doctor so often and taking all her medication."

The Fire Lord is nodding slowly.

"I understand." he says.

But he doesn't. It makes absolutely no sense, Zuko thinks to himself. There was no way that Azula could get over being humiliatingly defeated by him and Katara, being abandoned by their Father and losing the crown to him. She could barely stand losing anything as a child, let alone as a teenager. It just didn't add up.

* * *

"_Hey, Zu-zu!" _

_A nine year old Zuko looks up from his book to see his sister bouncing towards him. He had no idea where she got so much energy. _

"_Yeah?" _

"_Let's play a game." _

"_Okay. What game do you want to play?" _

"_Let's play Coronation, okay, Zu-zu?" _

_Coronation is Zuko's least favourite game. It's also Azula's number one favourite game, especially playing against her brother. It was basically a chance for Azula to show off to their parents how good she is at firebending. Admittedly, Zuko was pretty jealous. He really didn't want to be compared to her, especially not during a children's game. But still, he always succumbed to her big brown eyes. What kind of big brother would he be if he didn't play with his little sister? _

"_Alright." _

_Azula giggles and runs out of the palace into their huge backyard. _

"_I'll be the King, okay?" Azula says. Zuko nods. _

_Azula had created Coronation herself. Only two people could play, and of course her favourite opponent was always Zuko. There was a 'King' and a 'Peasant'. One player would be the King, and the other would be the Peasant. The Peasant would come along and challenge the King for the title of Fire Lord. Then, he would run off and hide. The King's job was to guard his throne (or in this case, a specially selected rock). The aim of the game was for the peasant to get to the Throne and overthrow the King (in children's terms, run around all sneaky-like and fight the 'King' with firebending). But Azula was always the King, managing to defeat the Peasant instead. Azula always won, because Zuko was never able to dethrone her. _

_Ursa had initially banned her children from playing the game. Zuko had asked why, but Ursa had just smiled and said that there was no joy in Agni Kai. What was Agni Kai, Zuko didn't know, and he didn't really want to ask. It was too serious for a kid to understand. _

"_I'll guard this throne," Azula points at a rather large rock and goes to stand in front of it, "and you have to start on the other side of the backyard. Then you have to run and I'll close my eyes and count to ten." _

_Azula never really closed her eyes. She'd always peek through her fingers to give herself the advantage. _

"_One…two…three…." _

_Where to hide though? She had conveniently picked a rock situated in the bushiest part of the backyard. Zuko grits his teeth. _

"_Four…five…six…." _

_Zuko looks around. It would literally be impossible to move without her seeing him! _

"_Seven…eight…nine…" _

_He quickly contemplates jumping up into one of the trees. Or he could hide in one of the shrubs around her throne as long as he was quiet – _

"_**Ten!**__" _

_Too late. _

_He's standing right out in the open and just ducks to the side when she sends some jets of flame from her fingertips in his direction, barely missing his ponytail. _

"_Aah!" _

_She chases him right around the clearing of the backyard, shooting flames in every direction with ease. The smile on her face gets wider and wider every time Zuko hits the grass. She's going to win this game. _

_But not today. _

_Groaning, Zuko gets up and takes his firm stance against her. Azula's grin fades for a second but soon it's back again as she sends more fire his way. For once, he manages to catch it in his palms and sends it right back. She's not expecting this and ducks out of the way at the last minute. Her smile is completely gone now. _

_Zuko makes a run for the throne. Sure, Azula is a lot better at and finds firebending a lot easier than he does, but he's bigger and faster than her. His sister stumbles back, firing at him from behind. He manages to avoid most of her attacks, except a few that singe his clothes. Sweat begins to pool on his forehead, but he's almost there. He aims one fire blast right at her and with her attention on it rather than him for a split second, he makes a running jump and lands on the rock. _

_He won. _

_He won the game. _

_For the first time.  
_

_He gets off almost immediately and goes over to help his sister up. It turns out his fire blast hit her a lot harder than he thought it would and she's on the ground moaning. _

"_Are you okay, Azula?" he asks sincerely. She doesn't say anything back, but her mouth is in a trembling pout. Her eyes are shiny too. Uh-oh, she's going to cry. Zuko holds out his hand to help her up. _

_She just slaps it away. _

"_I'm fine. Go away." _

_Zuko nods and does so. He does __**not **__want to start a fight with an angry, freshly defeated Azula. He hears her getting up as he walks away. Then he hears _—

"_**AH!"**_

_He turns around quickly to see a fire blast coming straight at his face. He swipes it away, just to be greeted by another, and another, and another. Azula's already up off the ground and just shooting flames at him. Not even with precision either, they're just going everywhere, a strangled cry following each one. The nearby bushes are catching on fire. Then she runs at him, pushing him down on the ground and putting a foot down on his chest, a ball of flame in her right hand. Zuko closes his eyes, preparing to feel the flame burn his face again, but instead he feels Azula's weight lifted from his torso. He sees his mother pulling Azula off him. _

"_What did I tell you two about playing that game? Azula! Go to your room!" _

_She gestures two guards to take his sister away, then another to put out the alight trees and shrubs. Zuko takes his mother's hand and sits up on the ground. Ursa gently strokes his son's cheeks. _

"_I won the game, Ma." Zuko says softly. Ursa smiles gently. _

"_Well done, sweetie. But that's the last time you'll ever play it." _

"_Azula made me!" _

_Ursa sighs and looks back to where Azula is entering the palace, squirming in the guard's grip. _

"_You shouldn't do what your sister tells you to do, especially if you don't want to do it. You're her big brother Zuko, you should be looking out for her, telling her to do the right thing. Didn't I already tell you that you weren't allowed to play that game anymore?" _

"_But I didn't think she'd get so mad about it, or else I wouldn't have played!" Zuko sniffles. _

"_Your sister isn't allowed to do that to you, so don't let her." _

"_Why isn't she? She likes being mean." _

"_Because hurting other people, especially family, is a very bad and dangerous thing, Zuko. If you hurt someone, it will come right back around to you." _

"_I don't understand." _

"_Anything bad that you do to a person will happen to you in time. It's a life circle. Especially if you hurt family. You don't just hurt them, you hurt yourself too."_

* * *

_A/N: _This was going to be one chapter with the next chapter, but it was waaay too long. I didn't really want to end with _another_ flashblack but it seemed like the good place to stop haha, thank you for reading (:


	3. Two Dead Eyes

**Out of Sight, Out of Mind **

**Two Dead Eyes **

_Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar the Last Airbender...  
_

* * *

"Get back in there."

The guards push Azula back into her cell but her head is held high. Pride is an uncommon feeling at the asylum; most of the time she's looked down on. But today, she's taken another step towards getting out of this godforsaken asylum and leaving everything in it behind.

She's not going to trust anyone anymore. All promises offered to her will be empty. She knows that now.

To hell with Pei.

To hell with the guards.

To hell with Zuko.

To hell with Mai and Ty Lee.

To hell with Father.

To hell with Mother.

_Just get into that mindset_, she reminds herself, _just_ _think that way and no one will ever hurt you_. She sits down in the corner of her cell and rests her head in her arms, looking down into her lap, closing her eyes.

What feels like hours pass before she hears something. There are people talking outside. She can't exactly hear what they're saying; it's a muffled conversation between two people. To hell with whomever they are.

Then she hears;

"…Azula…"

The guard outside her cell is the one talking. They're talking about her.

What is she thinking? It's not like she cares. Nobody cares enough to talk about her anyhow.

Unless it's the one who put her here. Unless it's—

No.

No, it wouldn't be.

* * *

_Breathe, Zuko, breathe. _

Whatever is behind the door, he's probably not going to be prepared for it.

She's probably going to firebend the shit out of him. She's probably going to scream at him, generate some lightning, shoot it at him, kill him, and then dance on top of his corpse.

Ah hell.

He slowly pushes the door open.

What he notices first about the cell is that it's really, _really_ cold. It's almost as cold as the Cooler at the Boiling Rock. The walls are made of greyish stone, and there's one barred window in the top right hand corner that let only a little moonlight in. Even so, the cell is almost completely dark, illuminated now by the torchlight from the hallway. It takes him a few moments to spot a figure slumped against the back corner of the wall.

When she sees his shadow fall across the floor of her cell, it takes her a few seconds to move her head up from her knees to look at him. She meets his hard gaze from under a curtain of limp hair, but the expression she returns is not one of malice which he expected.

It's just empty. The wicked fire that used to live in her eyes had gone out completely and had been replaced by blackness. He had never seen his sister this way before. Even at the climax of their Agni Kai at the palace, even when she was losing her mind, she always had some flicker of emotion in her eyes, whether it was confidence or anger or hate – there had to be something there. But now, he looks into her eyes and it's an endless black tunnel. Two black holes.

"Hello." he manages.

Her face is just so blank. She was always good at hiding her emotions, but you could always get some inclination of what she was thinking by the twitch of her eyebrow, the curve of her mouth or the intensity of her glares, but now…

"Hello, Zu-zu."

Her voice is hollow. Zuko immediately feels a stab of guilt; he knows that he's partly responsible for what happened to her. He tries to avoid her eyes, but they're staring into the depths of his soul. The things he wants to express can't form in his mouth.

"You're looking well." she says this so quietly, a tone Zuko is not used to hearing from her.

"I'm doing better."

As guilty as it sounded, Zuko wouldn't even be here if he didn't feel guilty. If it was Aang who had fought that Agni Kai with her, he would've just let the Sages take care of her. He'd much rather be back at the palace eating fruit tarts and signing documents. But, he's the big brother, and it's his obligation to visit her regardless.

Right?

Zuko clears his throat.

"Uh. So, how are you?"

She doesn't answer straight away. She just looks down onto the floor in front of him.

"I said, how are you?" Zuko says, a little louder.

The sound that comes out of her is slowly, heavy breathing.

"Azula?"

Still, nothing.

The Fire Lord takes a deep breath and tries to contain his growing irritation. She was always pretty good at pissing him off, but this is just so frustrating. He's only trying to help her, but she just has the ego or nerve or whatever to just ignore him.

He slowly walks over to her and kneels down to look directly at her. She looks at him, yes, but with two lifeless eyes. She was there, but not really there.

"So, Dr Pei's been sending me your progress reports. He says you've been seeing him a lot…and you've been taking your medication and cooperating with all the staff."

No response.

"…and you haven't…lashed out since your first week or anything, you haven't been causing any trouble."

No response.

"You're going to be released in two weeks…which is good. You can come back to the palace, and it'll be…new, but we'll adjust. At least you'll be home…?"

No response.

"All of this, It's really good to hear, you know. It means you're healing."

He tries to give her a weak smile, but her dead eyes say nothing. Exasperated, Zuko stands up and rubs his face, wondering how hard she must be working to keep that dead face on. She had to be feeling something.

"Look, I'm trying to help you, okay, Azula."

How did she manage to do that? At least if he was in her place, he'd feel like knocking her teeth in, if she had put him in a nuthouse. Because let's face it, Zuko is why she is here. He is why she's stuck in a mental prison by herself, taking meds, seeing doctors with people laughing at her. A month ago she would've laughed at the mere idea of it. He admits that he didn't want to deal with seeing her broken face every day, because he wouldn't know how. No matter how much they hated each other, no matter how much they fought, he was still her big brother, and she was still his baby sister.

Then she breaks the silence.

"Don't pretend like you care."

It's like a cold wash of resentment, anger and just plain hurt washes over him. He immediately feels a prickling at the back of his eyes. He's made people's lives… difficult in the past for sure (sorry, Aang) but he's never really been directly responsible for actually destroying one, and he's never wanted to hurt family, not even Azula. It's destroying him as much as it's destroying her.

"Do you think I feel good about doing this?" he asks, his voice beginning to tremble. She reverts back to blankly staring at the floor.

"Do you think I feel happy about sending my sister to a nuthouse? Do you think I would want to put you through anything harder than what you've already been through?"

His voice resonates off the walls. He swallows hard and his voice comes back scratchy. Not that she's showing much response, but she lifts her head a little higher to at least look at him. Zuko is close to tears of frustration and anger at himself but he's determined not to crumble in front of her.

"I hated you for a long time, I admit it."

For a second, he sees her change her gaze to look down at the floor. At least they can agree on something.

"But you're my sister. I did this because it's the right thing to do! I want to look out for you, even if you don't believe me."

She looks back up at him.

"I never wanted to hurt you."

She looks back down, but slowly this time. Zuko leans back on the wall. The situation is so serious and unnatural that if he didn't feel like complete and utter shit, he'd be tempted to laugh. He and Azula had never been anywhere close to a deep or meaningful conversation and this is the closest it would ever get to one. If the circumstances weren't so grave, he'd put it into his history book.

But at this moment, he really, really needs her to say something. Because as far as he's concerned, this lifeless person isn't his sister, just her corpse. Someone may as well have murdered her.

He may as well have murdered her.

They stay in silence for a while. She's not going to say anything else. Defeated, Zuko turns around and prepares to leave.

"If you didn't want to hurt me, why would you do it?"

He swivels around to stare at her. She's speaking calmly through her teeth, but she's off. He opens and closes his mouth for a few seconds.

"I said, because you're my sister, and—"

"—you thought that locking me up in a prison, and shutting me out from the world was going to make me feel better."

Yeah, that's basically what he had done. But it sounded a lot worse when she said it out loud. Zuko doesn't know where to look. So he just looks down at the ground. He can hear her gasp softly, as if she's trying to hold in a sob.

"I care about you, even if you don't believe it."

She shuts her eyes at his last word, shaking her head defiantly. One tear rolls down the side of her face and her mouth twists into a shaking line. He watches as his sister crumples onto the floor, crying. He's not prepared for this. Yes, if he didn't feel bad enough before, watching his headstrong, tyrannical sister completely shut down _again_ makes him want to cry too.

Her eyes leaking bitter angry tears, suddenly she releases a strangled cry and pushes him in the chest, sending him backwards. The guards are already at the cell door and running in to hold her back. They pull her arms back and tackle her onto the ground, pinning her down, but all she can see is her brother's good eye staring down at her, his face illustrated with sadness. The same expression he wore when the guards first dragged her away.

* * *

_Azula wakes. Her head is heavy and when she tries to sit up, she immediately lies back down because her neck hurts like hell. _

_Where is she? _

_She looks around the room with minimal head movement. She's in her bedroom and it's really dark. The only stream of light comes from underneath the door. When she tries to move her legs, she realizes it's not just her neck that hurts, it's her whole damn body. Everything's sore. _

_Then she remembers. _

_The water peasant and her own brother took her down. Sozin's Comet. Chains on her wrists. Humiliation. And a lot of fire. All these things suddenly rush back to her and sock her in the face. She takes a few deep breaths and unsteadily makes her way towards the door. But suddenly her father's guards enter and turn on the lights. _

_Damn that's bright. _

_The guards form a circle around where she's standing. Like a barricade. _

_What the fuck is going on? _

_They're soon followed by Zuko and Mai. Her brother has this really sad, beaten expression on his face, but Mai's just emotionless as usual. Underneath, Azula's sure she's laughing at her. Zuko steps forward. _

"_Tell me what's happening, Zuko." she mutters, trying to make sense of everything. He blinks hard once and looks her in the face. But he doesn't say anything. _

"_Why are you looking at me like that?" she tries again, harsher. _

_But he just looks down, then nods to the guards. The circle of men in armor closes in around her. Two grab her by the arms and they begin to proceed out of the room. _

"_Zuko!" _

_He looks up at her. _

"_What are you doing to me? Where are they taking me?" she can hear how panicked and pathetic she sounds. Her brother simply avoids her gaze, takes Mai's hand, and leaves her. Her shrill voice turns to screams. _

"_Zuko!" _

_He doesn't even turn back. _

"_Zuko! Help me, please!" _

_But all she can hear from him is his footsteps going away from her._

* * *

He didn't fucking want to help her, she knows this now. He locked her up and shut her down so he would never have to deal with her or see her face again. Her mindset is completely gone now and there was no denying. She was upset that he didn't care.

Every word that comes out of her mouth is like a gunshot.

"How could you do this to me!"

**Bang.**

"You left me!"

**Bang.**

"You traitor, Zuko! You're a traitor!"

He doesn't know how to handle it. He can't handle it. So he does the only thing he knows he can do at this point. He turns his back on his sister, her screams ringing in his head, and walks down the prison hallway, not looking back.

* * *

A/N: Another chapter, woo...thanks for reading!


	4. I Can't Promise

**Out of Sight, Out of Mind **

**I Can't Promise **

_Disclaimer: Again, I do not own ATLA._

* * *

7:15AM, and Zuko's exhausted. He sneaks back into the palace, tiptoes up the stairs and as quietly as he can, into his bedroom, quietly shutting the door behind him. He's arrived a little later than he'd hoped.

_Please don't let Mai be awake, please don't let Mai be awake – _

"Early morning stroll?"

_Shit, shit, shit. _

Zuko swivels around to see Mai standing behind him, arms crossed over her chest. Her expression isn't amused in the slightest.

"Uh –"

He doesn't even get to finish his sentence when Mai just storms past him and out the door. Zuko quickly rushes out after her.

"Where are you going?"

"Away from you."

"Mai—"

She spins on her heel and faces him. Her eyes just spit fire.

"You promised! You promised you wouldn't go visit her, and then? _You go and visit her._"

"Visiting her was important! If I just left her there, wouldn't I be acting just like she did? We've already talked about this."

"That doesn't matter. The fact is, you made a promise to me and you broke it."

"Please Mai, I can promise this time—"

"Your promises are empty to me now."

She turns away from him and continues to march out the front door into the courtyard. All the servants working in the gardens turn their heads to watch as Mai slams the door behind her. Zuko chases after her.

"You would rather me become a bad person than break _one promise_ to you? Is that better for our relationship? Would that improve it?"

Mai stops moving and there's silence for a few moments.

"There's no relationship to improve."

He stands stock still, a cold sweat breaking on his forehead.

Was she breaking up with him?

Mai exhales loudly, angry tears swimming in her eyes.

"When you've figured out how important your promises really are, let me know."

And then she's gone.

* * *

"Azula. Take a seat."

Azula takes a seat at Pei's desk. Nowadays she doesn't mind visiting Pei at all, because every visit is a step closer to release. Her doctor is still his old, tired self.

"So, I have submitted your request for public release, and it has been approved."

Azula's mouth twitches into a smile.

"Excellent."

"However, you are aware that your brother recently visited."

"Yes."

"He came to visit me the day after he visited you. We came to a...certain agreement."

"What sort of agreement?"

"You will only be discharged on Fire Lord Zuko's terms. He, ah, seemed rather suspicious about your early release and –"

"-what did you tell him?"

"Nothing! I assured him that it was quite normal for patients of your…intellectual capacity and situation to be discharged earlier…" he says, flustered.

The princess nods in approval, but the doctor shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

"But people are beginning to catch on, Azula. That guard at your cell included. They know very well it's unusual. Possible, but extremely uncommon."

There's a pause, and Pei licks his lips. Azula doesn't break her stone cold stare.

"Also…" he hesitates again.

"Say it."

"Usually, before release we enlist rehabilitated patients into one week of physical therapy as well as regular therapy, to ensure their transition to society is as smooth and seamless as possible. However," he searches her face for a reaction before speaking again, "Fire Lord Zuko has requested that this therapy not be enlisted to you."

Azula's eyes narrow.

"What does this therapy involve?"

"Bending practice for benders. Self defense for non-benders."

Instantly Azula is up and out of her chair with her hands on his desk. She hasn't bended or tried bending for the entire month she's been locked up. She already knows the cells are purposely insulated so that firebenders' powers are a lot weaker, for the safety of the guards and other patients; she had never thought there was a point in it.

But she knows this much; the old fire that drove her is gone. She needs to be able to bend to achieve something, and it's like her conscience knows that nothing is possible in the asylum. Bending is her power. Bending is what made her the feared creature she was. Without it she is useless. If she can't bend, she really will have nothing.

Pei holds his hands up.

"He believes that it would be more beneficial for you not to be exposed to such rigorous activity yet."

"You mean, he thinks I'm going to go and kill somebody?"

"He didn't elaborate."

Azula grabs Pei by the scruff of his shirt and pulls him towards her.

"You get me into those therapy sessions Pei. You get me into those therapy sessions or else I will vow you will have a broken back by the end of the week. I don't think you want that again, do you?"

Pei looks down into his lap.

"No. I don't."

She shoves him back down into his seat. He opens one of the drawers in his desk and pulls some of the documents out of her folder. He shows her a map of the asylum and points to a large room on the second level.

"This is where you will have physical therapy. It's not run by me, it's run by Master So. He's very tough and very clever; it will be easy for him to figure out your little ruse." he says, folding his arms across his chest.

"Nobody will know. If I find that somebody does," she snarls, putting a finger to Pei's throat and tapping it with a long dirty nail, "you had better hope there's a healer nearby."

Pei tightens up in his seat and nods.

* * *

_Sleep doesn't come easy at the asylum, it never does. There's always some delightfully unbearable noise to fall asleep to. Tonight it's one of the patients in her cellblock, the shrieks of a woman trying to fight off her hallucinations echo down the hallway. Azula groans and rolls onto her side, slamming her pillow down over her ears in hope of drowning out the sound. The shrill screams sound more like they're coming from a vulture rather than a human. _

_But then again, most of the patients at the asylum are barely human. There are criminals, murderers, terrorists imprisoned here, like her. A lot of them arrive at the asylum and accept the fact that the journey is over for them; they're soulless robots, living day by day. That is what sets her apart from them; because she knows it is far from over for her. _

_When she gets out of here, she'll take back what's rightfully hers – the throne, the kingdom and the power from Zuko. She'll make the Fire Nation the most powerful nation in history, and under her rule it will stay that way. _

_The only question is how she will do it. _

_Admittedly, she doesn't have it all figured out, yet. She needs to know the level of her power first, at the physical therapy with this Master So. Once she knows that, then she'll be able to escape this goddamn asylum._

_But there's always that nagging question in the back of her head. _

What if you've lost it?

_It's all she has. If she can't threaten with her firebending, what can she use? Her royalty? Nobody cares anymore. The only way she'll be able to re-emerge from the ashes of her shame and humiliation is if she can start a bonfire with it. If she can. _

_Frustrated, she claws at the back of her pillow. Just the thought of no flame in her hands makes her so angry. It's the only power she has that no asylum can take away from her. _

Could she firebend in her cell?

_She's never tried it because she's scared nothing will burn. The temperature of the cells has frozen her hands to ice and her fingers are numb. But she takes a deep breath, holds out the palm of her hand—_

_And a warm hand emerges from the darkness and covers her. _

Azula opens her eyes and sits straight up in her cell, gasping softly. She looks towards the dark corner in her cell, gets out of bed quietly and approaches it. There's no one there. The figure the hand had been attached to, she couldn't identify without light. It had been a warm, faceless person who stopped her from firebending.

Was someone trying to tell her something?

They had stopped her fire. And more importantly, they had scared her. Dreams about faceless strangers—she had never had one before, and she didn't want to have another one, ever.

* * *

Zuko hasn't felt this miserable in a long time. Sitting in an empty dining room with Mai's empty chair across him isn't lifting his mood either.

The last time Mai was this mad at him, he was actually on a mission and it was a good thing that they had been temporarily separated; he wasn't putting her in any danger. But this was really different. Last time he was saving the world. This time he's just visiting his demonic sister from the nuthouse he put her in. Now that he really thought about it, Mai had a point. Azula had tried to kill him during the Agni Kai, Katara too.

_But she was losing her mind. You're not; _the voice of his good conscience in his head reminds him.

_What does that matter? Would you really take helping Azula over Mai's trust? _Another voice pipes up – his guilty conscience.

_If it's the right thing to do, then of course he would! _The good pipes up.

He groans and slaps his forehead.

"Shut up." Zuko grumbles.

Sighing heavily, he eyes the bottle of fire whiskey sitting innocently on a shelf to his right. He knows his father used to rink every time he was overworked; apparently it took the stress off. The bottle is mocking him to take a sip. He knows it has to taste disgusting because it's been sitting on that dining room shelf for years before he was born.

But he really does feel miserable.

Zuko eventually drags himself off the dining chair. If he took a sip, none of the servants would notice anyway. He goes over to the shelf and takes the bottle off, uncorking it then wiping the rim on his shirt. He's definitely right about the age; from the looks of the bottle, its only purpose is collecting dust.

Hesitantly he lifts the bottle to his lips. He's never actually had a proper drink before. He's only sixteen, so he's still underage, but being Fire Lord has to make it okay.

Right?

Oh, fuck it.

He takes a long swig and immediately regrets it. It tastes just like it smells; stale and old. Zuko spits the whiskey out all over the floor and wipes his mouth in disgust. He attempts to wash out his mouth with some water but to no avail.

The miserable Fire Lord is broken-hearted, has a stale taste in his mouth that will no doubt remain for the next few days, and he only knows one person whose advice is truthful enough to believe. Plus, hopefully his tea will wash out the whiskey.

So, desperate times call for desperate measures.

He gets up and calls over the servant attentively standing near the door. He tells one to clean up the mess on the floor, then he pulls another aside.

"Send a message to Earth King Kuei that I'll be in his city soon. I'm visiting Ba Sing Se."

* * *

Long after the sun goes down, Pei finally arrives home. The smell of noodle soup wafts from the kitchen and he walks in to see his beautiful wife at the stove. She turns around and her face lights up when she sees him.

"You're home early." She says, going over to him and kissing his cheek gently. Her growing belly bumps his and Pei gives it a little stroke.

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Pei chuckles softly, putting his briefcase down on the dining room table and taking a seat. His wife puts a steaming hot bowl of noodle soup down in front of him and he doesn't hesitate to dig in. She takes a seat opposite him and props her chin up on the palm of her hand, the other hand resting on her belly.

"Hard day?"

"Long day, more like it." He says wearily, thinking back to the threats the Fire Nation princess made during her visit. Evidently his wife recognizes the tire in his voice and reaches out to hold his hand across the table.

"What's got you like this, hon? Someone giving you trouble down there?"

Pei sighs.

"Something like that, don't worry about it, Min."

Min's forehead creases in confusion.

"If someone's gotten you worked up, I am going to be worried. Tell me, what's going on?" she asks gently, stroking his hand.

Pei leans back in his chair and rubs his temples. Azula was pretty specific not to let anyone know. Was he really willing to open up to her? What if he put his Min in danger? That's the last thing he wants, especially since Min is 7 months now, they don't need any more trouble. Pei lowers his voice, although he is perfectly aware Azula is in her cell 100 miles away.

"A patient. Just the Fire Lord's sister."

Min looks at him long and hard, leaning back in her chair, processing this idea.

"The one who lost her mind."

So that's how she's known to the general public. The one who lost her mind.

"The one and only. She's very...troubled. And I think she believes I can help her...find closure, of sorts."

"Well, isn't that good?"

"But she doesn't want to stay at the asylum to do it."

"Frankly I don't blame her. Who does?"

"That's not what I meant. She rejects all forms of care. I think she believes the only for her to accept the reality of her situation is to...return to her roots. Emotionally and physically."

He studies her wife's face, watching her put the pieces together.

"And she thinks you can help her with this...return?" Min asks slowly. Pei nods and gets up to put his empty plate in the sink, but his wife stops him, her hand on his arm.

"Whatever this return in, hon, it's going to be dangerous. Please, and I beg of you, please don't go through with whatever she's telling you to do. Promise me you won't."

Pei closes his eyes and exhales slowly.

_Don't lie to her, don't lie to her, don't lie to her—_

"I promise."

* * *

_A/N: _Okay, seriously, I have no clue what goes on in an asylum. I don't know if they're nice enough to help nutcases like Azula ease back into society. But thanks for reading!


	5. Dancing With A Beast

**Out of Sight, Out of Mind **

**Dancing with a Beast**

_Disclaimer: Don't own Avatar..._

* * *

So, today is the day.

Today is the day Azula, firebending prodigy, regains the prowess of her power. She can't help but smirk. Today marks the beginning of the revival of her fire.

She confidently pushes open the door.

Master So stands in the empty room. It has a hard wooden floor and padded walls, and a big window, like the one in Pei's office, except this one has a view of the mountains. The master himself is muscular but surprisingly lean, more than a head taller than her with his arm muscles rippling beneath his white shirt. He's also a lot younger than she expected, only in his young adulthood, with shiny black hair combed back and amber eyes that remind her too much of Zuko. She doesn't need that.

"So, you are the almighty Princess Azula, of the Fire Nation," he says.

Almighty Princess Azula. She likes the sound of that.

"I am."

"I have heard many things about you. I have heard that you are a firebending prodigy."

He says the words 'firebending prodigy' slowly, as if he's challenging her to prove it. Her smirk fades a little at this point. She _was _a firebending prodigy, but now she's not so sure.

"Well? Are you?"

To be honest or to lie?

_Azula always lies, Azula always lies. _

"Yes." She says.

"I have also heard you are a liar. Apparently now it is true."

"Excuse me?"

"The cell you are living in is completely insulated. Firebenders lose their powers in these four walls. How can you be so sure that you can still firebend?"

_Shit._

"You don't need to lie to me to make yourself feel better." he says indifferently.

He's got her.

"I don't need you to tell me what I can and cannot do."

"Apparently I do, or else you'll just keep lying to me."

Azula grits her teeth.

"So. Are we going to stand around here talking or can I firebend?"

"Yes, indeed we are. To properly harness the prowess of your power, you need to get that drive back."

There's barely any drive left in her. It left her at the door of her cell at the beginning and ran away.

Just like Zuko.

"Well? What drove you? Was it anger, frustration? Fear? All of the above?"

"None of the above."

"Then what was it?"

She knows exactly what it is.

"Firebending for someone? Is there _someone_ that drives it?"

Oh, she knows who it is.

"That person and that emotion. They drive your firebending, do they not?"

She can lie to everyone else, but not to herself. Ever.

It was jealousy.

Jealous that Zuko was her mother's favorite.

Jealous that he had the very attention she so desperately wanted from her mother.

Jealous that he was her golden child and she was just a monster.

Jealous that she had to compensate that love with perfection.

Jealous that a mother's love was much warmer than her perfect blue flames ever would be.

Jealous that she would never feel it.

"I don't know."

"Oh, you know. Nobody says 'I don't know' with tears in their eyes."

Azula angrily rubs the tears out of them.

"Doctor Pei informed me that you specifically requested these physical therapy sessions. So this is what you wished for. Do as I say or be my guest and leave."

"Shut up. Don't pretend like you know me."

Master So steps back with his eyebrows raised, hands gesturing towards the door.

"If you're not prepared for this, come back tomorrow. But don't waste my time."

"I came here to firebend, not to tell some old hag about my problems. So shut up and let me firebend!"

"The bending is the physical aspect. Talking to an old hag is the therapy aspect."

She's seething.

"So, are you going to settle down and talk to me now?" he asks, pleasantly.

_Inhale, exhale. Keep your cool. _

"How long do I need to talk for until I can firebend?" she says through her gritted teeth.

"Until I believe you are mentally prepared for this. Which I don't think you will be for a long time, Princess."

She really, really wants to punch him in the face. Really, really hard. She practically has to spit out her words.

"Why. Not."

"Well, based on how you've just handled my first test; accepting your problem, I'd tell Pei that your release should be pushed back a couple of months."

Azula's mouth almost falls open. She catches herself before it does, of course.

"Evidently, you haven't come to terms with your current situation. Avoiding your problem will get you straight back here in this asylum, no matter how far you run. It'll send you back into turmoil."

_What. _

"Watch your mouth."

"This is the therapy, you asked for it. I'm the Master around here, not you. And I'm saying, if you are released into public next week, you will be running around in circles with all your feelings doing you head in then eventually you'll explode. It'll be a cycle. If you don't deal with your problem, you will be here for as long as you avoid it. I just don't think you're ready at all."

Master So just picks up his bag, pushes open the door and leaves her in the empty room before the guards haul her back to her cell.

* * *

_She doesn't need Master So. She'll firebend on her own._

Azula comes to this conclusion late at night, still fuming about that stupid Master So and his stupid feelings. So what if she doesn't want to talk about hers?

She irritably turns in her rickety metal framed bed and kicks the sheets off of herself, even though it's well below ten degrees in her cell. The thing that irritates her so much is that she can't…control him. He's too controlling. Pei was weak, malleable. It was easy to scare him into doing what she wanted. But this Master So? He wasn't intimidated by her in the least.

It was impossible for him not to have heard of what she had done to Pei during her first therapy session, it had spread the asylum like wildfire. Azula, the crazy princess, almost killed her therapist. Any other therapist that would come in contact with her would have run scared. It was only because Pei was so damn persistent to help her and no other worker would take on her as a patient that she still had him as a therapist. But Master So was even more stubborn that she was and he had made her so angry in a few short minutes.

It was like he had tapped into her soul.

She didn't like that at all.

But, what did she think was more important to her? Firebending or her therapist?

She knows she won't be able to firebend on her own. Especially after having that dream, it's like some unknown force is attempting to stop her from firebending. The only thing is, she's never had to rely on someone else for help. She's always done everything herself.

But, if this is what she has to do, she'll do it.

Azula might by crazy, but she's not stupid.

If she has to cooperate with the therapy to get her firebending back, as much as it pisses her off, she'll do it.

* * *

_The first time he heard that he was taking the most dangerous patient in the fire nation, he didn't know what to think. _

_If she left the asylum and didn't reintegrate into society, live like a normal teenage girl again, would he be the one to blame? _

_He doesn't want that. _

_Does her want to help her? Or is it more fun watching her crumble to the ground? Or maybe her journey will be combination of both. Whatever it is, he has to live through it. He has to help Princess Azula get her firebending back, but if he doesn't, he doesn't want to find out what will happen to him. _

Master So is awakened from his reverie by the sound of footsteps behind him. He turns his head to see her enter.

"Back again are we?"

Azula nods slowly. A ghost of a smile passes over So's lips.

"Good. Let's get started."

He gestures to a spot on the ground in front of him. For once, she does what he says and sits obediently opposite him.

"I suppose you want me to tell you about the drive of my firebending."

So shakes his head.

"Actually, no. We're going to start a little differently today."

_What. _

Azula tries to ignore the fizzle of frustration that arises in her throat. She had already mentally prepared an answer to that question.

_It's a lot of contrasting emotions. _

But no, he had left her completely unprepared for the lesson when he had told her to be ready for their next encounter.

"I want you to talk to me."

_Great. Fucking super. _

"About what?"

"About your raw emotions. According to Pei, your emotions at this point in your rehabilitation have been mostly negative and angry. Generating fire, and lightning in particular, requires peace at mind. Complete and utter tranquility."

She really fucking doesn't want to talk about peace and tranquility. It's the opposite of what she's feeling right now.

"I want you to close your eyes, and imagine a point in time where nothing was bothering you. Absolutely nothing. You didn't have a care in the world, you didn't have a fear, a worry, a doubt. Think of that moment."

She doesn't have a moment like that.

"Can you think of a moment like that?" he asks.

_Azula always lies. _

"Yes. Of course."

"Lightning generation in particular requires absence of emotion from the mind and the heart. If you're feeling these conflicting emotions even when you don't mean to, it won't happen. Do you understand?"

Well, now she won't be able to, now that he tells her about it. It'll be a lot of anger and confusion and stress and anxiety bouncing around in her brain and it just won't be able to shut up. So no, she won't be able to clear her mind. But she nods anyway and tells him she understands.

"Very good. Now I want you to think of a person you feel you can trust. You can think of more than one person if your want to. The most important people in your life. The ones who love you and care about you, even if they aren't in this world with you now. How do they make you feel? Happy, loved?"

At this point, she wishes she could say those people and those feelings instantly come to mind .But there's just no one in her head right now. Her mind is completely blank, because no one cares.

It hurts to think that out of all the people in this world and the next, nobody loves her.

"Do you have this feeling in mind?"

_Azula always lies. _

"Yes."

"Excellent. I'll ask you this, Azula, what makes you happy?"

Happiness is not a feeling she often experiences. It's a rare moment for her if she even smiles out of sheer joy and love for life.

She feels triumph often, but nearly never happiness.

Azula had felt triumph only when others suffered. Witnessing Zuko's banishment, tormenting Mai and Ty Lee as a child, overtaking Ba Sing Se; they were all moments that made her feel victorious and triumphant. But it had been so long, almost too long, since she had felt pure joy in herself. Why did it always have to stem from misery?

_Because it makes you feel in control. _

She hates to admit the truth, even to herself. Without others fearing her, she feels so weak. She gets the bare minimum of control at the asylum over one therapist. It's not nearly as much as a whole nation, like Zuko has.

"Azula? Do you know what makes you happy?"

_Azula always lies. _

_Well, maybe she doesn't have to anymore. _

This thought has been in the back of her head since the beginning, but she's never had the damn courage to put it in action.

"Yes."

"When you've practiced this, neutralizing your negative emotion with positive or simply banishing emotion from your thoughts altogether, your mind state will be nonaligned. You'll feel blank, empty even. It might be a foreign feeling, but I believe this is what could help you."

"Help me firebend?"

"Perhaps. Only if you let yourself accept what you have become."

* * *

_She's making progress, _So tells himself after Azula leaves the room after an hour of gruffly cooperating with his questions. She didn't really answer them properly; most of the hour, it was mainly her glaring from behind her hair and making reluctant listening noises. But it was something.

* * *

After a long hard day, So slumps down in the staff area at supper. He sits across from Pei. The tired therapists exchange glances and subtle nods of greeting. There are no words – at the end of the day, work is the last thing they feel like discussing.

"So, how is she?" So asks dismally. Pei shrugs.

"Same as always. Never changing." Pei says nonchalantly. He's given this answer to many people. She's always the same. No matter how much people try and help her, there's not much hope left at this point. He absent mindedly toys with his shirt cuff.

So frowns.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Did you see her today?"

"Yeah."

"No progress?"

"No. Never."

* * *

_"No. Never."_

_The receptionist doesn't even look sad._

_Pei hangs his head and lets the bouquet of fire lilies drop onto the desk. Never any progress. They promised things would get better. Those doctors promised they'd do something. The best doctors in the most technologically-forward hospital in the Fire Nation._

_ "You can go in and see her now."_

_Pei nods and mumbles his thanks, and walks down the hallway of the hospital, the bouquet hanging limply in his right hand. The hustle and bustle of the doctors in the rooms pounds in the walls, but he can't hear any of it. All he can hear is the slow, disheartening beep-beep-beep of the machine hooked up to his sister._

_He slowly opens the door, and there she is._

_Lying face up with a mask on her face and tubes attached to her everywhere. She looks so small and helpless. The machine keeps the steady sad beep-beep-beep with the green heart-line going up and down on the screen._

_"Hey, sis."_

_Pei goes over to drop the fire lilies on her bedside table, and sits down on the stool next to her. He takes her hand in his. It's cold and clammy. Like a corpse's. He doesn't ever want his sister to become a corpse. It's too soon. At twenty five years of age, it's too soon to go._

_"I'm sorry I'm late. I know I promised I'd come every week but I was really busy with work."_

Beep-beep-beep.

_"I'm sorry I missed the seven year date, too. I know it's not something to celebrate but…"_

_He lets his words trail off. Seven years. Seven years and his sister still hasn't woken. They promised she would. With all the tests and things they were doing on her, and? Nothing. He bites the inside of his lip._

_ "Um. Seven years is a long time. Do you know what you think you'd be doing if you were here?"_

Beep-beep-beep.

_Of course she doesn't._

_"I think you'd have run away with Li by now. Before you…before it happened he told me he would have proposed to you on the spot. If you didn't mind him not having the money for a ring."_

Beep-beep-beep.

_"I know you wouldn't have minded."_

_He swallows and his voice comes back scratchy and rough._

_"Anyway," his voice shakes, "I…ah, I brought these for you." He gestures to the bouquet of fire lilies on the table, although she won't react. "I know they're you're favourites."_

_He shakes and clears his head to stop himself from getting teary._

_"Uh…work is really busy right now. We just got a new patient in the security block. She's wild…and broken and dangerous and I'm the one who as to take care of her."_

_He released a choked chuckle._

_"Imagine. Seven years ago you never thought your big brother would make it, would you? Now I have the most dangerous patient in the fire nation and I wish I didn't. Funny how time does that, isn't it?"_

Beep-beep-beep.

_He fights back the urge to just get up and walk away. It would be so much easier. He smiles through the tears brimming in his eyes._

_"She reminds me of you, you know. So strong and proud. Then when things are beginning to go right in the world, __**your **__world gets thrown for a loop. And family delivers the final blow."_

Beep-beep-beep.

_"I never apologized when I had the chance."_

Beep-beep-beep.

_"I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry."_

_The tears spill now. Slow, but constant._

_"I keep thinking everything will change and get better with time. But it never does."_

* * *

"I keep thinking everything will change and get better with time. But it never does."

So shakes his head dismally, pouring himself a glass of water. He takes a few sips and stares at Pei from across the table.

"I've never seen you like this before."

"What? Tired?"

"No, so easily giving up on things. It's been a month only."

"I'm not giving up on her; I'm just tired of fighting her. All the time. I want to help her, but she doesn't take it."

"She is a hard one, that girl."

* * *

_"She's a hard one, that girl. She's a tough nut to crack, but I swear I'll get to her – she'll get better."_

Beep-beep-beep.

_"People say she's never going to get better. But I have faith in her, just like I have faith in you."_

Beep-beep-beep.

_"I miss having you here. I miss having a sister."_

Beep-beep-beep.

* * *

_A/N: Okay, I've been out for a little (long) while. I've been doing other stuff, but I haven't given up on this story yet. I hope that last bit wasn't too confusing, and it answers a few questions. The flashbacks in the hospital are Part One of why Pei feels compelled to help Azula, she reminds him of his sister. Part Two of why will come up later. Thanks for reading. _


End file.
